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Did you make new years resolutions? How has the first month of 2014 been for you? I don't really do resolutions. I just look at the previous year and reevaluate my goals. I don't focus on one specific thing I want to do. In 2013 it was all about finding my happiness. This year I need to focus more on my general health though. Not just "lose weight" or "get fit"... I want overall healthy. My dr. has told me that if I can get my weight to a normal range for my body type that I won't need medicine for diabetes but if I continue as I am now I will need medications and that I do not want. So I'm working towards better nutrition for myself.
It's been a hell of a two years for me, there's really no other way for me to put it. The last two years will probably define who I am for the next fifty years. Watching my step dad battle cancer and lose the fight after three months was emotionally draining. During the same time I lost my step dad I lost Daddy B. Not in the same way but we were having issues in our marriage that couldn't be fixed so we separated to give each of us time to decide what we wanted out of life and if our happiness with one another could be rekindled. We are still separated and I don't know what the future holds for us but I'm happy. I couldn't have said those two little words together in a sentence any time before now.
In the last two years my mental state has been a major roller coaster ride. I tried my best not to let that over flow in to my blogging. I've cut down on the amount of time I spend on my blog. For one I'm the only parent in the house so I try to spend more time with my boys after school and on my weekends. Also, part of my problem in my relationship with Daddy B was that I spent too much time online. I didn't and still don't want my family and friends to feel that way about me, ever again. So now I have set work hours that I do my blog work. Once that time hits the clock I'm done.
I've got life back on track and as a part of the steps to do so I have agreed to be a part of the Blog Forward 2014 Challenge by ZonePerfect. As a part of the challenge I needed to write a letter to my future self. I've done this before so I thought this would be easy peasy to do again. Wrong! It took me forever to open up to myself and be real about my feelings to the future me but I knew if I could share the letter to myself from 2010 and share about domestic violence in 2011 then this chapter of my life can be shared as well without playing the blame game on any one person or situation.
Dearest (future) Mama B,
Are you still feeling the happiness you started 2014 with? You have been through a lot. Continue on your journey with that happiness that you have in your heart. You've learned that you are a kick ass woman and you can make it, whether making it is on your own, just you and your boys or making it rekindling love with Daddy B or you find someone new. Never lose you. The you that you have fought so hard to find. 2014 means you have reached the age of 30. You've made it farther than you thought you would when you were a teen. You've been through a lot and have survived, now I hope you thrive. Your love and positive energy are infectious. I hope you have continued to have happiness and much love in your life. You learned that there has to be self love before you can love anyone else. Don't lose that. Don't go back to the Mama B before 2014.
You have come so far mentally and emotionally and now it's time to continue to move forward physically. You took the feelings of 2012-2013 and ate them. Literally. That damn emotional eating reared its ugly head again. Yes I knew better but I really didn't care about anything. You can't go back there. Take the happiness and determination you have and roll with it. Roll with it right to the gym to the treadmill or to the park for a run. Keep your mindless snacking in check. Keep going for those ZonePerfect bars and healthy snacks. You know you can enjoy the flavors like fudge graham, strawberry yogurt, chocolate mint and more without the after eating guilt.
You're not trying to be skinny; you're wanting to be healthy. You know you've had success in the past so put the work in, get the work outs and don't make excuses.
Love openly and honestly. I hope you have found someone that can love you as much as you love yourself. Continue to be the mom you have been to your boys (or children if you happen to have any girls). You're a good mom, don't psych yourself out. Give your family your all. You have so much to offer them. I hope you have learned to tell more people how you feel. Keeping it all bottled up to try and figure out on your own hasn't worked for you before and you know it.
Keep creating and writing and reaching for your dreams but don't forget to live in the moment. I hope you are still blogging. I hope you are still traveling. I hope your life has become all that you wanted it to be but enjoy the ride of the little moments along the way. This is your one precious life. Embrace it. Savor it. It will be worth it.
Much Love and admiration,
The slightly (again) not so healthy but self loved version of yourself in the beginning of 2014.
disclaimer: I am a part of the blog forward program and received complimentary product and ZonePerfect promotional items, but I am free to comment about ZonePerfect as I see fit.