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I started out the ZonePerfect Blog Forward 2014 a happy woman for the most part. I wasn't sure if I would be able to keep that feeling of happiness throughout the entire year. Are my feelings still the same ten months later?
Am I insecure? Sure, I have my days. I look at the reflection of myself in the mirror as I brush my teeth or dry off from a shower and I wonder am I enough. Can someone love a woman with a road map of stretch marks and no thigh gap? Am I lonely? Again, yes, I have my days. A mom can only handle so much talk about Pokemon and Minecraft. Thank goodness for my blog and my iPhone full of my family and friends. Have I had a successful year as far as weight loss? Actually, no. Since January I have actually gained 5 pounds. This is what 200 lbs. looks like...
Am I ashamed? No I am not. I am back to cooking at home more and hitting the drive thru less. I am still an active member to Planet Fitness and I still love running. I spend more time with people face to face and less face to iPhone. I have put myself out there at my boys school being more involved than I have been the last three years. I am what the fashion world calls plus size. I have been called a fat girl and even had a guy tell me I was "pretty for a big girl". Why couldn't he just leave it at pretty? Why does my body shape/size factor in and supposedly take away from my beauty? To that guy I said he could kiss my pretty for a fat girl booty.
I will continue to be active. I will continue to choose the best I can when it comes to my food choices. I will continue to beat depression and make the most of every day. If the number on the scale goes down fabulous. If not, I will still be me. I am a successful work from home mother. I travel. I laugh. I enjoy good wine. I smile. I live. I go out in public in a swimsuit and enjoy it.
Who can love a woman with stretch marks and occasional thigh rubbing burn? I do. I love all of me, top to bottom, inside out. So yes, ten months later I am still a happy person. My sons finally seem to have adjusted to mom and dad being separated. I have finally adjusted to being separated. Life goes on and we are making the most of what we have and are given. I have learned that my weight wasn't holding me down prior to 2014 I was mentally holding my self down. The number on the scale had zero to do with it. Once I accepted myself I have nothing to be unhappy about. I have let go of much pain, heartache and a few rotten friends in the last ten months. I accept myself big girl or not. Every stretch mark. Every curve. I accept myself no matter what the scale, jerks, and haters have to say about me. Self love people. Self love.
dislcaimer: I was given ZonePerfect products while participating in the ZonePerfect Blog Forward program. Opinions of brand/products are my own.