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Toxic friendships. I'm willing to bet that most all of us have or have had people in our lives who leave us feeling drained of energy or feeling miserable. I have come to realize that I have some rather toxic people in my life. You know the ones that aren't really good for you. The ones that put you down. The ones that say very hurtful things behind your back and poison other people's opinions of you or even those who you can't really trust with your personal problems because no sooner than you are done speaking the problems to them they are off to find someone to tell them to.
I've had trust issues my entire life. I admit I wasn't always the greatest friend back in the day but I owned up to my mistakes, learned from them and made sure that I am now someone who is a loving, caring friend who isn't in a friendship just for what I can get out of it. There are people in my life who have brought me down lately and I can't handle it anymore. I know who I am and that I deserve better relationships than these people. They hurt others and don't care that they do. I say from experience that if someone has the guts to talk about others with you then most likely they are doing the same with you when you aren't around. These so called friends of mine had made me bitter and angry. I would sit up late at night pondering on what I wanted to say to their faces the next time I had an encounter with them. I just knew if I spoke my mind I would feel better. So what do I do? Abandon people who are bad for me or do I continue to hang around and try to help them? Then a few nights ago it hit me. These people are unhappy in their own lives and want to bring any and every one down with them.
I realized that it doesn't really matter why these people are bad friends. What matters is they aren't happy and I needed to decide if I could forgive and move on or continue to have these people in my life and try and help them see what they are doing to others like myself. In the past two years I have learned that you can't help others with their happiness. They have to want it for themselves. I also realized that if I continued with the negative feelings towards these so called friends, I would only be poisoning myself and causing myself more suffering which I am in no way willing to put myself through any longer.
I forgive these people for their bad behavior. I will now surround myself with positive, true friends. I choose to move on. Real friends don't get jealous of your successes. They don't say horrid things about you behind your back, they only have kind, loving things to say about you even if you aren't in the room with them. They aren't two faced. They understand that no one is perfect but can still accept you with your flaws. They enjoy seeing their friends happy.
I tried to understand where these toxic friendships were coming from. I tried to be patient and kind no matter what they did/said to/about me. It became draining and the behaviors of these people have not changed after knowing them for years. I don't wish to make any of my friends unhappy, so why harm myself making me unhappy having them in my life? It's better to understand sometimes that letting go all together is the only way to go about it. Letting go of toxic friends doesn't mean that you don't care. It means you care about yourself enough to make your own life the best it can be. We all deserve happiness, right? We have the ability and power to make it happen we just have to want it and do what's needed for ourselves. No, it's not being selfish.
Any relationship can be toxic- friends, lovers, coworkers. Will life fall apart if you decide to remove the toxins from your life? Possibly but in the falling apart of my own life I have learned a lot about myself. I want to build up the life I am meant to have and if that means falling apart then I was ready to crumble and start building anew. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself. The real you that may be hiding under the fear of what if's.
I am worth it and so are you. Listen to your heart. It may not always be simple but will always be worth it.
Writing is my therapy. Try it. After you've gotten it all out of your soul take the time to reflect on your feelings and words. Really take it all in. Life has a much bigger plan for you and happiness should be a part of that plan. I am no expert but I now know I can't live my life with toxic friendships or any toxic relationship and refuse to do so ever again.
Do or did you have toxic friendships or relationships in your life? Did you forgive and walk away? Mean people suck (your energy). Protect yourself.