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Defeated. That's how I have felt lately. Since posting my review of the Belly Burner weeks ago I have given up. I was down to 166 on the scale and I had lost inches off my waist. What has happened since then? I simply quit. I quit exercising. Making excuses or finding other things to do instead, simply just not wanting to do it. I quit caring about the food I was eating. I didnt quit caring completely but when the urge for junk food arose I jumped on it like a kid chasing the ice cream truck on a summer day. I quit caring until I saw myself in the mirror while getting dressed one morning. Looking at myself I just sat down on the bed and cried. I've been stressed and depressed lately and with both of those feelings I havent really cared about much of anything in any part of my life. I've been raising my voice to my boys a lot lately and thats not me. Im not a yeller and Im not a fighter and as of lately I have been doing both. I havent been around for the other Sistas lately because I feel that if I cant be there for myself I cant be there for others either. My birthday is coming up in less than 2 weeks, I had a goal set to get to my goal weight of 155 by then. Thats not happening. I have gained weight since my Belly Burner post. Ive gained 4 lbs since then. So now Im hovering around 170 yet again. 155 I may never see you on the scale. But right now I feel like I need to get my mental state in check before I worry about what numbers are on the scale. Yes I feel defeated but I don't want to give up on myself. Im worth fighting the fight. Im just plain out worth it. I've been reading along on twitter and the blog for #mamavation just havent been very talkative. I know round 5 of Mamavation applications starts today. I wanted to apply but Im not ready.
This weeks #mamavation blogging carnival is sponsored by @Subwayfreshbuzz. I love Subway! Ive worked on my Subway card enough to get 2 free 6 in subs. I like the oven roasted chicken or the chicken bacon ranch. I used to get the meatball sub all the time growing up but the older I got the more variety I wanted. Ive tried a lot of subs and haven't found any I havent liked yet.
Good luck to the ladies who apply for #Mamavation this time around.