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This post is about trying something new and it is one of the most non frugal, non deal posts I may ever write here but telling my story could make a difference to someone else. My 'tried something new' wasn't a product but a word. My brightest idea? I learned to say NO...
I was the girl in the relationship that would bend over backwards to make sure my partner was happy. If I did something he didn't like I would change. The only time I was really me was when I was single. Right after high school I lived with the guy I was dating at the time. He was older, a local celebrity, and I thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread. I thought I finally had found a guy that liked me for me. The first couple months living together seemed perfect. Then I realized it wasn't.
I didn't have a car because my epilepsy prevented me from getting my drivers license. So he would go off to work and I would be home by myself the entire day. Not to bad, though I was in a new town with no friends or family near by and no way to go anywhere else. I kept the clothes washed, food cooked, house clean and all the things I felt I was supposed to be doing as my part of our relationship. Somewhere along the way though he started changing. He would stop taking his depression medication (that I didn't even know he was on til much to late). He would yell at me if I didn't cook his food just right. He threw some of my clothes away and bought new ones that he approved (the clothes he trashed were the same ones he loved on me when we met). He would accuse me of talking to other guys on the computer. It got to the point where I became his verbal and physical punching bag. He kept me from talking to and visiting my family. I would sneak a letter here and there but other than that I was left alone. I finally "grew a pair" as my cousin would say when I was accused of doing something I didn't do. While he was busy accusing me of doing wrong he was the one cheating on me. I got a phone card (he didn't have long distance on our phones) and called my Mom and asked her to come and get me. Through all the troubles we had during that time I knew my Mom still loved me and would do anything for me and she came and helped move me out.
I was tired. I was tired of the bullying, beatings, arguments and was finding my life in that situation unlivable. I made excuses for him and kept telling myself that he really did love me. Then I wanted out and it took me way to long to actually do something about it. I learned something new. I learned to say NO. I learned to stand up for myself. I learned that I am who I am and I will no longer change for a man to love me. I was no longer the relationship door mat. I learned that I am a strong woman and that my life matters and that abuse of any kind is no definition of love.
If you have a verbally/physically abusive partner or know of someone that is in an abusive relationship from someone that's been there seek help and get out. If you think that it's none of your business you're wrong! For more information on domestic abuse you can read the Domestic Violence Handbook.