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After being with the boys Dad for 8 years and being separated for 3 years and divorced I finally felt prepared enough and in a good place with everything else in life to step back out in to the dating world. My ex husband and I met on an online dating site. Online dating was more of a no-no back then according to most of the people I knew. We chatted a while then we decided to meet in person. He wanted to pick me up and go out so I got his vehicle info. and gave it to my best friend when he picked me up and I told her if she didn't hear from me in like an hour to call for back up. Now a days online dating has become the norm. There are a lot of sites, apps and social media outlets out there. I joined Bumble first, similar to Tinder, but when you are matched with someone the women are the ones who can message their match first before the guys get to say anything. I had only one connection with Bumble and the communication with him fizzled quickly. Then I was talked in to joining Tinder. I had another friend tell me that I was setting myself up for nothing but disappointment and horror stories to share because Tinder is nothing but a hook up site. I told them I was getting hit on by the same types of men at the places I was going out to meet guys so what would be the difference in meeting them online?
I put together my bio trying to describe myself (that was tough to do) and added some photos of myself. Then I hit the button making my profile live and searchable. I surprisingly received matches a lot quicker than I was expecting. While looking through the profiles if I saw someone I was interested in I swiped right "hearting" their profile. If they did the same for me then we matched and were notified by the app that we had a match with someone and we could then private message one another if we wanted.
I was introduced to a variety of types of men (according to the profile types anyways) but most of them all started our conversations the same way- Hi, how's it going? Nice rack. Or they'd open the conversation with asking me my bra size. Ok, so yeah this seemed to be a hook up app for me after all and that's not what I was looking for at all. I was ready to delete the app from my phone. Then surprisingly I did have some good chats with a few guys and I did go out on a date or two with a few of them but I didn't feel the connection I was seeking. Was online dating not for me?
After getting to the point of feeling like this online dating thing was not going to work out for me I noticed a guy at my job. He had been coming in because his work place banked with us. Turns out he was someone I had just matched with as well. I was actually the one to initiate the talking with him before I realized I had seen him in person all ready. I wasn't sure I was ready for another Tinder fail, I was hesitant but after talking my self down from the immediate feeling of failure in the love department I allowed myself to open up more than I normally would. We continued talking, exchanged numbers and then agreed we both wanted to go out on a date. He made me feel a way I hadn't felt before and that surprised me because I thought I knew what love felt like because I mean I had been married before- WRONG! He survived my two date curse and we are still together and it's going very well. My boys enjoy being around him and his daughter seems to enjoy spending time with me too.
I met some dudes and some duds, made some friends along the way, and found my boyfriend with my online dating after divorce experience. What tips can I offer when it comes to online dating?
- Don't obsess the details so soon. When looking at the profiles of your potential love matches don't get consumed with the thoughts that your true love will match exactly to all your tastes and preferences. Having common ground is good but being picky about the little things may cause you to swipe left on Mr./Mrs. Right for you.
- Don't get your hopes up too high based on profile alone. People can be smooth talkers behind their phone screens but you won't know how well your match corresponds with you until you sit across the table from them. You can't see their manners or demeanor through your computer screen so meeting in person could be a different side of them. If you're lucky they will be exactly who they say they are but in my experience that is not always the case.
- Guys, this one is for some of you. If you're asking yourself if sending a lady you're just meeting and talking to a photo of your junk is a grand idea the answer is always no. Just don't. We don't want the first thing from you to be a photo of your manhood or lack there of. For me, I feel that once a relationship has formed and you feel close to the person and are comfortable with it that sexting can be fun but don't ever open with that. You'll get laughed at, you'll get talked about on social media, and you may even get the pic of shame added on the internet for all to laugh at. My reply to the one I received was "Thanks for letting me try out the new pinch and zoom feature on my new phone."
- Don't tell a single mom her kids are baggage! If you aren't interested in a person with children who clearly states she is a parent of two boys on her profile then don't swipe right on her profile.
- Be yourself. I had spent 3 years to myself to learn who I was and what I had to offer someone else. Being able to love myself and not feel the need to hide parts of who I am or pretend to be someone I wasn't helped me in finding someone who I could open up to. Loving yourself allows you to love others. Making a profile to make yourself someone you're not will bring matches that you may not want.
I asked my friends if they had any experiences to share about online dating and here is what a few of them had to say about online dating...
friend#1- [I] met my man on gay.com. 3 days later we told each how much we loved one another...and here we are almost 6 years later together. We met each other jobless and no vehicles.
friend #2- I met an ex-boyfriend on OKCupid. We moved in together almost immediately - but as time went by, I discovered the relationship was very emotionally abusive. He didn't understand my diagnoses of anxiety and PTSD; he thought I could get over them with "vitamins and exercise." I got out of the relationship the day he screamed at my dog for having an accident in the house. I was so broken, depressed, and hopeless. Just for the heck of it, I went back on OKCupid, and decided to be up-front on my profile about my mental illness. I decided I didn't need to be around someone who didn't understand me. I was contacted by a man who was kind of taken aback, but also relieved to read that I was so open. We were - I'd say, a 93 percent match. Soon after we met, we started hanging out nearly every day. He ended up being a much-needed, completely platonic friend who knew what I was going through. His friendship helped me heal. He has since moved, but I will always appreciate the friendship we had.
friend #3- My love and I met 3 years ago this month on POF (plenty of fish). We both had all but given up on online dating due to pretty bad experiences but I came across his profile for the first time ever out of the blue one night, messaged him (I almost never messaged anyone first) he replied and 3 years later here we are.
Do you have a success story or terror tale when it comes to online dating?
Omo and Eulanda says
We met on Match.com 4 years ago. Prior to that online dating was a No-No. Married now and growing stronger everyday. Completely agree with your recommended rules. In addition, we would advice anyone trying online dating to be real, be themselves and dont throw in the towel immediately. Good things come to those who wait. We certainly know so
Aneeta kaiti says
thank you! for sharing your story with us . I feel good by reading your blog. Online date is became famous now a days and many new online date apps has been developed. from this online date apps like tinder many people find the right partner. In my view online date is good. some account may be fake.... so you should be beware with the fake account. there are so many trick to find fake account.